Nancy's Website

Dear Family and Friends,

It's easy to be discouraged with much that's happening in the world now. I think a major contributor to the deep divisions we see is fear. Fear of the future. Fear of unemployment, of losing our place, of being shoved to the margins. Fear of others who aren't like us. A video that a friend sent me recently brought me to tears. I highly encourage you to invest the three minutes it takes to watch.

Facing Challenges

There are some things in life that intimidate us. We can choose to avoid these things or to address them. For almost all my life, anything the least bit athletic or requiring physical strength or coordination has been challenging for me. My response for more than 50 years was to avoid such activities. It truly never occurred to me as a kid to engage in sports. I tossed a softball and tried getting a basketball into the hoop mounted on our garage a few times. I rode my bike around the block, and roller skated a bit, but that was it. Serious athletic pursuit was simply not in my experience or even in my imagination. I defined myself in part as "someone who can't do sports." I always felt clumsy, weak and generally unathletic.

As a college student, I knew I ought to do something physical, so I tried some square dance, some weight lifting, some swimming. It was okay. Swing dance was quite nice but requires a partner with either a comparable skill level or a saintly amount of patience—and a compatible schedule. The volleyball class I took only because I had to have two PE credits to graduate was quite painful, and the only C grade I ever received. Years later I was talked into joining a volleyball team—briefly—which only reinforced how weak and clumsy I am.

Then a few years ago something switched. Several prompts all came together at once to get me on a bike, and not just for a gentle spin around the block. I found I could do this, but even better I found that I liked it. Bit by bit I built strength and endurance, competing only against myself. I could get up hills that looked impossible just a few weeks earlier. I watched my body transform into the trim, fit person I never knew was lurking inside. Suddenly, people were using the term "athletic" to describe me. ME—ha! If they only knew!

And so I conquered the bicycle, at least as much as suits me. No one is ever going to ask me to join a competitive team, but that's all right—I've achieved a level that fits me. But then I realized that there are a lot of other activities that have always intimidated me. Skiing, for instance.

In January I invited Gareth to try skiing with me—cross-country, for downhill skiing seems way too prone to producing injury. We investigated the options and came up with a plan. We drove to the mountains and signed up for a lesson in the bitter cold (um...seven degrees???). I tried everything that the instructor said to do. It helped a lot that I had all the positive experience of cycling behind me and that I've put hundreds of miles on my Nordic Track when the weather's just too lousy for outdoor exercise. I learned how to move across the snow, how to get up after a fall, and how to climb up and slow myself down on a slope, although I was very uncomfortable with my speed on the downhill slope at the end of the trail. I was able to do everything and thus succeeded, but I still felt clumsy and uncontrolled, too quick to fall and slow to recover. It was not the wonderful experience that a couple of friends had predicted, breathing in fresh mountain air and enjoying gorgeous scenery. It was damn cold, painful in how many times I fell, and requiring absolute concentration on my skis so that any scenery went unnoticed unless I stopped to look around.

I'm glad I tried. I know that I am strong enough and fit enough to do it. I also know that I'm not likely ever to get skilled enough in the amount of time I'm willing to devote to skiing to be able to look up and enjoy the scenery as I glide through. If I could ski in my backyard and keep practicing as I did on my bike, perhaps I'd do so again. But a trip to the mountains and snow is sort of a big deal for me, so I'll leave skiing behind. However, now it's on my terms, and not because I'm intimidated by it. And that feels good.

I now know that the greatest barrier to success is often our own hesitation and defeatest attitudes. My image of myself as lacking athleticism was self-fulfilling, and the antidote is to get out and try things, and then to practice. This is true in so many areas of life—sports, relationships, music, cooking, arts, careers, languages, dance, gardening, parenting, interactions with animals, and on and on. The hardest part for me is silencing the negative tape playing in my mind.

Wishing everyone the courage to try something new and challenging,
Nancy